Friday, December 1, 2006

For some of you new folks who haven't seen these yet... These are the UNANSWERED QUESTIONS from the last IceHouse Show. (November '06) I managed to only answer a few of these at the actual show, so here then, are the rest. Enjoy.

Unanswered IceHouse Questions

1. What's The Deal with Squirrels?

Yeah! What IS the deal with squirrels. These little bastards can get away with so much more because their eyes are more round than a rat's. Didja notice that? Because they're cute, people feed them and think that they have more personality. Fuzz bastards. Every last one.

2. Can you relate your musical and song writing influences to childhood traumas?

No. I can relate the fact that I kidnap and ritually dismember prostitutes that I pick up on the Atlantic City Expressway- then carefully reconstitute their bone fragments into an uber woman who in time will rise and violate all those that have stood before the goat of life- while placing in the book of eternal suffering all the names of the children-of-fire by the use of the universal unholy sword/pen of existence- while I look down from the space/time throne of majesty... to childhood traumas.

The song writing is all me though.

3. Have you considered a lucrative career in feminine anatomical modeling?

I believe that this person was referring to the time that the fabulous Mur Lafferty and I tried to explain to a Dragon Con audience , (using a 3 button blazer and my head) , where EXACTLY the clitoris is located. That entire saga can be found here. Enjoy.

4. George, Do you shave your entire body? Is body shaving an orchestral requirement?

No! That's an absurd question. There is no way that I or the members of the orchestra shave our own bodies. How stupid to ask that... We shave EACH OTHERS bodies.

5. Plant, animal or mineral? OR... If there was a movie about your mind, what would it sound like?

Well... first off, mineral. Duh. And secondly, the soundtrack to my mind would be 50/50 blend of Guy Lombardo and David Brinkley rapping.

6. How many cars will you have to break down in a 24 hour period before YOU break down and admit that a cell phone might be a good idea? Can ya hear me now? -Chuck

Ah yes. Cell phones. I'm still holding and refusing to get one. NOW- I've NEVER said that having a cell phone is not a good idea- I just find that I really don't have a use for it. There's a comedian who talks about how Abraham Lincoln somehow managed to fight the Civil War without a cell phone, and that maybe Mrs. Phlogeston could somehow SURVIVE going 30 minutes without talking to every person in her circle-of-annoyance about absolutely NOTHING. Cars broke down before cell phones. People met in the city before cell phones. Musicians were late to gigs before cell phones. Somehow our parents did it. SOMEHOW. PLUS- Whenever someone in the band is talking on a cell, and has that annoyed look on their face ("yes honey, I'm leaving right now... yes ... yes... uh-huh... uh-huh... yes...."), they look over at me and say "you're the smartest one here. You have no cell phone. No one bugs you." Yes, I can hear you.

7. Why can't I enjoy this sweat on a proper dance floor at the IceHouse?

Yes that's right folks, we were selling bottle s of "Sweat" at the IceHosue. And though we do recommend that one drink "Sweat" on a proper dance floor, it is in no way required, and we remind you to Sweat Responsibly.

8. What fruit divides naturally into three segments? Follow up - how has it affected the way you sauna? -Jordan

I have no freakin idea! Great question- Is it some Scandanavian fruit that is used in cedar lined heat rooms? Tell me Jordan, tell me!

9. Please play "I am the Walrus".

That's not a question. "Please play 'I am the Walrus?'" would have been acceptable.

10. Would you consider Rick Santorum for a job as roadie / Guest vocalist?

I'm not sure that Rick could handle the intricacies of being a roadie. There aren't enough opportunities while roady-ing to talk about hot "man-on-dog" action. He could sing "Let the Eagle Soar" though... that and "Y.M.C.A."

11. Where do I go to get my jeans embroidered?

Well you an go down to "Sparkle Hut", that's down on 3rd... You could go to "Bedecked, Bejeweled and Bedazled" that's on 3rd... You could try "The Embroideroidery" also down on 3rd... and then there's "Butt-On Hole" and I think that that's also on 3rd. You know, the Embroidery District. That's where you can also find Sew What, Let It Sew, Sew Far Sew Good, Sew Fees Choice, and of course Sew Are You Gay or What.

12. Have you ever been in a situation that begged the question "What Would SpongeBob do"?

Just the other day I was trying to figure out if I should listen to Mr. Krabs and divest my investment portfolio, or if I should take Sheldon J. Plankton's advice and focus more on long term holdings. In the middle of THAT dilemma I realized that Perch Perkins was going to do a puff piece on me and I hadn't scheduled any time off from the The Chum Bucket to do an interview. It was PRECISELY at that time that I wondered...

13. Would you consider being a contestant on "Dancing With The Stars?"

I tell ya- I can't WAIT for my career to have peaked and then sunk into the toilet so that I can desperately cling to some semblance of past celebrity EVEN if it means being humiliated on national TV. Exposure is what counts right? Fingers crossed...

14. When hitting the high notes, do you tighten your ass cheeks, clench your diaphragm, squeeze your toes, or just hold on and hope you don' t blow the vein in in your head?


15. I read you Skeptic blog. Where are my mallomars? -James

Shit. You're right James- My mistake. I owe you a box of America's Favorite Seasonal Cookie.
the whole story:

16. When you play drums in PFA, do you ever pretend that you're Aquaman playing underwater?

No, I usually pretend that I'm a younger version of me with hair. I guess that's KINDA like Aquaman. By the way- is the spanish Aquaman called AguaMan? Just wondering.

17. Is funk in your blood? If so, bleed on me. If funk isn't in your blood, where is it?

Funk is in each and every one of's in me and you and your Mommy and Daddy... and if you really BELIEVE in funk, and if we all clap our hands, we can all work together to save the funk inside of poor sick Michael Jackson. Let's all clap now!

18. Dear Geo- Are the times a' changing? Love the show -L

Well L, from the looks of my second hand it seems that the times indeed are a' changing. Either that or this patient is dead.

19. What is your fav. FZ album? And what part does it play in the conceptual continuity of Geo Hrab & Frank Zappa? Play Peaches or Holiday in Berlin- Full Blown!

OK! My favorite FZ album changes every 6 weeks, but top contenders are One Size Fits All, You Are What You Is, Tinseltown Rebellion etc... I hope to one day, with hard diligent work, be as talented as the SHADOW of Frank's left index finger (I'm about 4% there) SO basically I wouldn't ever deign to assume to hope to presume to enter into his conceptual continuity.... AND it's very hard to play Peaches or Holiday in Berlin while being blown. Not impossible, just hard. Ha. He said hard.

20. Pennsylvania postal worker is attacked by squirrel... coincidence?

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha! (maniacal laughter). Check out this link (maniacal typing),2933,226760,00.html

21. Hey George, Why did you flip the stage around?

I decided that it would be much better for the show if my hands were completely numb and banged up from moving risers around. It helps my guitar tone. Actually, the room just seems to work better with the new setup. We're not playing staright into a wall, and every seat has a great sightline. AND I just like to keep everyone guessing...

22. Did you take any of those pills that were on the Vitriol CD? What did they do for you. Have you found a nun?

Yes I take those pills everyday. The red one is Vitititytoxicil, and that controls my deep cravings for Shrimp Gumbo. The yellow one is Prancilicimistilicide and that helps with my anxiety over remembering what channels are what on my XM, AND the anxiety associated with "getting" The Family Circus. The red one is Famdil, and that's for plaid related vision.

Oh. And no, the elusive Nun is still elusive.

23. Should I make the same sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving this year? -Mom

No shit- this was ACTUALLY from my Mom... and hell yes Ma! They rock.

24. Did you save your ponytail? Huh Blondie? As-tu garde ton queue de cheval?

Mais oui Madam! I actually cut off and framed my braided ponytail about 10 years ago, and it stares back at me with mocking derision from my closet. (Back when I had lanyard-like hair I had an impressively pointless ponytail / braid. Yay.) By the way...Do you want to know how fucked up this question is? This was asked by my 6th grade french teacher. Swear to Sagan. She was at the show. You can never escape your past.

25.What's Mr. Spock's blood type?

Curious. Green and type T-Negative. How many eyelids did he have? Eh?

26. A.Why? B. How? -Steve's Mom.

A. Because I'm the Mom, that's why.
B. Ask your father.

27. (multi-part question from the fantastic JP Cappiello)

A. Is baseball a metaphor for life? Does it test or reveal character? Show your work.

I don't think that baseball is a metaphor for life. I think baseball will be a metaphor until it retires, then it'll just be an analogy.

B. Who wins in a death match - The MythBusters or Dr. Know?

Mythbusters. No contest. They blow shit up real good. Plus the Mythbusters have a TEXTBOOK example of a B3 babe in Kari.

C. Is a balding platypus wearing glasses (fictional platypus, any similarities to any persons living or dead are purely coincidental) who is recovering from a horrible bout with anal warts 1. proof there is no Intelligent Designer 2. the third sign of the apocolypse 3. unfortunate 4. the next single ?

Nice. I would say 1 and POSSIBLY 4.

D. Have you tried the new Hazelnut flavored Splenda?

No! I didn't even know there was such a thing. I LIVE on artificial sweetener- so this is quite exciting news. I'll have to go find me some.

E. What were the names of Dr. David Saturen's three jackets he wore during his time at Moravian College?

There was a prof of mine that literally ONLY had three blazers that he wore to class. This was not so strange, except for the fact that he would chose one and wear it for DAYS IN A ROW. We started keeping track on a chart to see which would WIN for the semester. His three blazers were:

THE BIG RED NASTY ( a horrible red and black plaid number with barely attatched elbow patches)
THE KIDS SEWING PROJECT ( a powder blue number with visible stitching that looked as if the glued-on macaroni had JUST fallen off of it)
and the
MONICA PITY BLACK ( A nice simple black blazer bought by the head of the department for Doc to wear to public gatherings.)

The winner, with NINE CONSECUTIVE DAYS IN A ROW was the BIG RED NASTY, FALL of 1992.

1 comment:

Jason Schmidt said...

Hi Geo,

On the theme of "what's the deal with squirrels...", this story caught my eye earlier today.

Seems the Iranians apparently think they're being used for spying. Go figure. From slashdot:

'A few weeks ago, 14 squirrels equipped with espionage systems of foreign intelligence services were captured by [Iranian] intelligence forces along the country's borders. These trained squirrels, each of which weighed just over 700 grams, were released on the borders of the country for intelligence and espionage purposes.'

Full Link: