Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Woman: So what are you again?
Man: I’m a Mason.
W: Oh, Mason?... very interesting…[pause] do you enjoy wearing the hats?
M: I’m sorry?
W: the hats… do you enjoy wearing the little… ya know.. hats…
M: Oh.. I think you’re thinking of Shriners…
W: No they’re not called Shriners, there’s a different name for the hat…
M: Well- the hat’s called a FEZ…
W: That’s it- the FEZes do you like wearing the fezes?
M: No…uh… Mason’s don’t really wear fezes, you’re thinking of Shriners. Shriners wear fezes.
W: Oh really? Are you sure?
M: Uh- yeah I’m pretty sure.
W: But you DO drive the little cars…
M: no no no… that’s Shriners too…
W: The Shriners drive the cars?
W: And wear the fezes.
W: What kind of hats do YOU wear?
M: We don’t really wear…uh..hats per se.
W: Any little modes of transport?…
M: Uh, no that’s Shriners… we’re Masons.
W: So what do YOU…
M: We’re more the secret handshake, Masonic temple, type of…
W: No cars.
W: Or hats.
M: Umm… no.
M: I mean I presume Mason’s wear hats as much as the rest of the population… probably in a very representative percentage.
W: It’s because of Kennedy.
M: [pause] I’m sorry?
W: It’s because of President Kennedy. JFK… He was the first president to not wear a hat. And that’s why men stopped wearing hats.
M: Really? I wasn’t aware that…
W: You look at a picture from the 40s or the 50s- and EVERY man is wearing a hat. And not just fezes. Fedoras. NOW you see baseball caps, but those aren’t really hats.
M: yeah.. I guess that’s true.
W; It was JFK.
M: Well- there you go.
W: And Clarke Gable for undershirts.
W: Clarke Gable didn’t wear an undershirt in the movie “It Happened One Night” and all of a sudden, sales of undershirts- PLUMMETED.
M: Wow. I wasn’t aware of that.
W: So no hats, and no undershirts… ‘cause of two guys.
M: [pause] What kind of hats do YOU wear?
W: Oh- I don’t wear hats… but I hear that the Shriners do. Someone told me that once.
M: Really..what kind of hats do they wear?
W: I believe they’re called FEZES.
W: AND they drive cute little cars too…
W: And did you know that Masons have a SECRET HANDSHAKE that explains what kind of undershirt they’re wearing.
M: You’re batshit insane aren’t you?
W: Oh yes.