A Conversation

Woman: So what are you again?

Man: I’m a Mason.

W: Oh, Mason?... very interesting…[pause] do you enjoy wearing the hats?

M: I’m sorry?

W: the hats… do you enjoy wearing the little… ya know.. hats…

M: Oh.. I think you’re thinking of Shriners…

W: No they’re not called Shriners, there’s a different name for the hat…

M: Well- the hat’s called a FEZ…

W: That’s it- the FEZes do you like wearing the fezes?

M: No…uh… Mason’s don’t really wear fezes, you’re thinking of Shriners. Shriners wear fezes.

W: Oh really? Are you sure?

M: Uh- yeah I’m pretty sure.

W: But you DO drive the little cars…

M: no no no… that’s Shriners too…

W: The Shriners drive the cars?

M: Yeah.

W: And wear the fezes.

M: Yes.

W: What kind of hats do YOU wear?

M: We don’t really wear…uh..hats per se.

W: Any little modes of transport?…

M: Uh, no that’s Shriners… we’re Masons.

W: So what do YOU…

M: We’re more the secret handshake, Masonic temple, type of…

W: No cars.

M: No.

W: Or hats.

M: Umm… no.

W: Oh.

M: I mean I presume Mason’s wear hats as much as the rest of the population… probably in a very representative percentage.

W: It’s because of Kennedy.

M: [pause] I’m sorry?

W: It’s because of President Kennedy. JFK… He was the first president to not wear a hat. And that’s why men stopped wearing hats.

M: Really? I wasn’t aware that…

W: You look at a picture from the 40s or the 50s- and EVERY man is wearing a hat. And not just fezes. Fedoras. NOW you see baseball caps, but those aren’t really hats.

M: yeah.. I guess that’s true.

W; It was JFK.

M: Well- there you go.

W: And Clarke Gable for undershirts.

M What?

W: Clarke Gable didn’t wear an undershirt in the movie “It Happened One Night” and all of a sudden, sales of undershirts- PLUMMETED.

M: Wow. I wasn’t aware of that.

W: So no hats, and no undershirts… ‘cause of two guys.

M: [pause] What kind of hats do YOU wear?

W: Oh- I don’t wear hats… but I hear that the Shriners do. Someone told me that once.

M: Really..what kind of hats do they wear?

W: I believe they’re called FEZES.

M: Wow.

W: AND they drive cute little cars too…

M: hmmm…

W: And did you know that Masons have a SECRET HANDSHAKE that explains what kind of undershirt they’re wearing.

M: You’re batshit insane aren’t you?

W: Oh yes.