I NEVER said that

Some sentences that have never been spoken by ANYONE.





Why yes, that is a tractor-trailer in my martini.

My tuna has been misbehaving in kindergarten.

Did you see the latest issue of Flan magazine?

I taste NO difference between diet and gasoline.

That’s ok, I’d rather do it without a parachute.

I’ll get back to you 6 months ago.

There’s been an increase in the lowering of the rising of the overall numbers of the stuff that’s uncountable.

No, I’d prefer if you shoved the entire thing up my nose.

That elephant just borrowed my i-pod.

Be sure to boil the tennis balls for a good eighty to ninety minutes.

The llama was glad that his subscription to Newsweek had run out.

Shuttle to Houston… does this orbit make me look fat?

I’ll be sure to call him right back on the chicken.

I think that he was able to score so many goals because of the jello.

My favorite color is gargantuan.

No-no, don’t flush, I’m making soup.

I was using the owl to measure it.

Gee, I’ve never SEEN this episode of Gilligan’s Island.

Please drink more and sing it again, this time louder.

How’s that skateboarding scholarship working out for you?

We’re NOT open Monday through Friday, and weekends we’re closed.

Brazil? I thought you said flamethrower.

Please use a number two penguin to complete the test.

These headphones give me jock itch.

I now pronounce you dead.

No sir, I hope to complete the bridge before the river is here.

Sometimes, there are always many things that are never both neither here nor there.

Two more meatloafs and we’ll finally finish building this satellite dish.

I think this vodka needs more dog.

Do you think the cuisinart will go to the prom?

The triceratops left you a voice mail.

I don’t think that adding one more cookie will make the calendar truer.

Did you read Geo’s blog?… THAT was interesting.