Tuesday, January 16, 2007

His Hole Is So Much Smaller Than Hers

So I think I’m going to start a sect of Christianity. Sect? Sub sect? Denomination? Cult? Hell… it’s all the same I guess. The difference between a denomination and a cult is TIME. Anyway… I think I’m going to start a denomination of Christianity based around the idea that JOSEPH gave birth to Jesus.

Whad’ya think?

I was mulling this over while (still) reading Dawkins' book, The God Delusion. I think the response would be positive, no? I mean- the messiah is SUPPOSED to be a descendant of DAVID [Ezekiel 34:23, 37:21-28; Isaiah 11:1-9; Jeremiah 23:5, 30:7-10, 33:14-16; and Hosea 3:4-5)] and since according to the WRONG denominations (all others except mine) Mary gave birth to Jesus WITHOUT rubbing uglies with Joseph (who WAS a descendant of David); Jesus is IN NO WAY blood related to David, thereby making him a FALSE messiah. With MY belief, (the one TRUE belief by the way...) it was JOSEPH who was impregnated by the LAWD and who then bore and gave birth to Joseph.

Nice.

Let’s see- we need a nice catchy religion and church name… Josephans? Mennorite? HmmmPenistarians? Holy Joes? Dudetherins? Cocktarians? Mangellicle? Paptist? Church of The Sacred Balls? Our Father who Bore THE Dude? 1st church of the Unlikely but TOTALLY True Preggers Guy? The Church of Didja Ever See "Junior" with Arnold Shwarzenegger and Danny Devito Sporta Like That Fellowship…

Yeah.

Is this any more re-DIC-ulous than believing that Mary gave birth while being a VIRGIN?

I dunno- but I DO know that any serious proposal of such would be laughed at whole heartedly. Try it sometime. Next time you’re chatting with a believer- tell them you think that Joseph gave birth to Jesus. They won’t HESITATE to tell you that THEY believe in a virgin birth, but they’ll think YOU’RE nuts.

Hey that’s it! Menonuts.

The 1st Church of Menonuts. Believers of the Ever Expanding Sacred Vas-Deferens, and the Blessed Swelling Therein. (reformed)

1 comment:

C said...

I find your hypothesis much more plausible. How does one sign up and become a minister? I'm already ordained by the ULC. :-D