Stages

The Five Stages of Grief

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

The Four Stages of Spatula Purchasing

• Searching
• Comparison
• Assumption
• Resplendence

The Six Stages of Gravy Making

• Preparation
• Insouciance
• Torment
• Mixing
• Cantankerousness
• More Mixing

The Five Stages of Shemp

• About to be hit on head
• Being hit on head
• Just after being hit on head
• Wondering who hit him on head
• Wondering when he’ll be hit on head again

The Eighteen Stages of VH-1 CelebReality Viewing

• Shock
• Horror
• Laughter
• Joy
• Pain
• Sunshine
• Rain
• Hysteria
• Stupor
• Mellifluousness
• Confusion
• Repulsion
• Hunger
• Awe
• Douche Chill
• Gag Reflex
• More Hunger
• Twinkie High

The Five Stages of Greece

• Coliseum
• Theater of Dionysus
• Odeon of Herod Atticus
• Amphitheater at Epidaurus
• Loews Demosthenes

The Seven Stages of Pre-Molly Hatchet Show Tailgaiting

• Cooler preparation
• Charcoal purchase
• Flirting with Disaster
• Consummation with Disaster
• Sucking in of Gut
• Realization it’s not 1982
• Acceptance

The Six Stages of Mission Impossible Episode (TV show, not shitty movies)

• Receiving of Mission
• Assemblage of Team
• Mission commencement
• Improvisation while dealing with horrible unforeseen circumstance
• Mission Completion
• Driving Off in Van

The Eight Stages of Elton John

• Not Gay
• Bi
• Gay
• Married
• Undetermined
• Bi
• Gay
• Really Gay

The One Stage of Hermit Crabs

• Content

The Five Stages of the Five Stages of Grief

• Depression of Denial
• Acceptance of Anger
• Denial of Bargaining
• Bargaining of Depression
• Anger of Acceptance

The Five Stages of Forest Fire Prevention Awareness

• Denial
• Fear of Bears
• Acceptance of Bears
• Extinguishing of flames
• Post BBQ Guilt
  

The Four Stages of David Lee Roth

• Pre-Spandex
• Spandex
• Post-Spandex
• Ironic Spandex

The Seven Stages of Bagel Consumption

• Hunger
• Purchase
• Internal shmear/no shmear debate
• Shmear
• Consumption
• Guilt
• Vowing to Start Diet Monday

The Five Stages of Golf

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

The Six and a Half Stages of Jello

• Powder
• Liquid, Hot
• Liquid, Cool
• Squishy
• Firmish
• Jello-like
• (consumed)

The Twelve Stages of Blog Writing

• Worry
• Blank Staring
• More Worry
• Wondering Who’s Gonna Read it Anyway
• Proclivity
• Reticence
• Pragmatism
• Superciliousness
• Crotch Itching
• Rash
• Doctor Visit
• Blog Postponement
• Idea formulation
• Joy
• Letdown