Nutty Idea

So I had this idea about teaching empathy.

I REALLY think that the world would be a better place if people thought about A: How their actions affect others, and B: How they would feel in a particular situation, in someone else’s place.

I find that I tend to give people yards if not MILES of slack if I can try and empathize about their potential circumstance.

‘Frinstance: Some guy cuts you off and is driving like a MANIC… he’s PROBABLY a real dick who just can’t budget his time right- but maybe- JUST MAYBE he’s really late for something that’s REALLY important, and he’s in a tough spot. We’ve ALL been there…late for a job interview, late for a wedding, late for a funeral, late for a hospital visit, or late for a third time re-scheduled prostate massage... you know… what I call WEDNESDAY. Anyway- instead of just randomly assuming the guy is a driving recklessly, I try and give the ol’ benefit of the doubt, and hope that perhaps the next time I’m in a hurry, the poor person I subtly zip in front of will empathize with ME. (I guess this is sort of like Karma, but without the Woo-Woo-Hocus-Pocus. Or sundresses. Or funny smelling incense.)

Now- I was trying to think of the one thing that all humans can sympathize / empathize with.

I came up with nothing.

I DID, however, come up with something that ALL MALES can sympathize with. And when I say all males, I mean ALL MALES. I don’t care what religion, nationality, age, sexual preference, Mac or PC user, Beatles or Stones fan, race or WHATEVER you are- there is one thing that EVERY GUY can associate with... AND this one thing crosses any personal feelings, or vendettas or histories or memories one might have. If a GUY hears about this THING happening to another person, they will have the IDENTICAL reaction, regardless of circumstance, geographical location, political affiliation, Bosco or Ovaltine preference, or ANYTHING.

Can you guess what I’m talking about?

That’s right – EVERY MALE ON THE PLANET CAN EMPATHIZE WITH-



A shot to the nuts.



I don’t care if you’re a Sunni looking at footage of a Shiite getting a wiffle ball bat to the crotch, or a Irish Catholic seeing a Protestant's Jewel Bag flayed by a bizarre lawn mower incident-

Your INITIAL reaction will be to bend over and go “ooofah…”Afterwards you might revel in your enemies pain, but INITIALLY (and this may just last a mere second), you feel SO BAD for the guy, that you’re physically affected.

NOW- How do we relate this to making the world a better place?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

But it IS sorta nice to know that there’s at least ONE THING that does unite everyone.

Maybe that could be the start.

“Excuse me – sir? You know how you and your people don’t want to share your supposed sacred land with your historical enemies? You know how you say that EVERYTHING they believe in and are, is anathema to your very existence? Well.. look at this tape:

[shows video of lifelong trans-generational male enemy member getting a brick dropped onto testicles]

… See! See! That second right there where you bent over and felt bad for the guy? THAT’S EMPATHY- You actually FELT BAD for your ENEMY…THAT’S WHERE WE START TALKING!!...”

Yeah. I’m sure that would work. America’s Funniest Home Videos as a Middle East salve.

Ah well.. I might still have to work the kinks out. (But I guarantee every guy reading this just shuddered a little at the "brick" comment. Welcome my brothers..)

One more thing…let me ask you- Is there a female equivalent to this? I don’t think so- but my uterus is SO tiny as to be essentially non-existent. Let me know ladies…