Saturday, July 5, 2008

Occasional Songs for the Periodic Table

Here are the COMPLTE lyrics to

Geo's Occasional Songs for the Periodic Table.

You can listen to the complete list of elements HERE

Sing along now!

1. Hydrogen H
Some say hydrogen’s the most abundant thing. I say stupidity.

2. Helium He
Helium You make my voice sound just like Geddy lee.

3. Lithium Li
Lithium, the first alkali metal.

4. Beryllium Be
Beryllium-um-um-um-um, Beryllium-um-um-um-um
Your atomic weight is four. Beryllium-um-um-um-um.

5. Boron B
Can you be a real good friend , when you’re B.O.R.O.N?
Don’t be a moron, of course you can you’re boron.

6. Carbon C
Carbon you’re in every living thing,
Carbon you’re in every living thing,
And even most dead things.

7. Nitrogen N
Nitrogen, the most underrated gas
Nitrogen, people always seem to pass you by
it makes me cry, why oh why, Nitrogen

8. Oxygen O
Oxygen, the element they call O.

9. Fluorine F
Fluorine was a happy woman ‘till she realized how she got her name
Her atomic weight was nine she was a halogen gas
and that filled her with such shame
Mendelev told her, she shouldn’t care what other people might think
Fluorine thought about it looked on the bright side and said
at least my name ain’t zinc.

10. Neon Ne
Neon, most noble gas
Neon, helps to illuminate glass, in Vegas

11. Sodium Na
Is sodium bad for you? Na.
Is sodium made of horse poo? Na.
When asked for this element, here’s what you do
It might sound preposterous, but it is true
The sound you must make to prove that you knew: NA… sodium.

12. Magnesium Mg
Mag-mag-mag-magnesium (la la la)
Mag-mag-mag-magnesium (la la la)
You burn so well, even under water. (la la) That’s hot.

13. Aluminum Al
We call it aluminum, Brits call it aluminium
I’m not really sure why.

14. Silicon Si
Silicon, maker of fake boobs, and also computer chips
that allow us to download pictures of fake boobs. Circle of life.

15. Phosphorus P
If someone says they’ve got to P, don’t assume
they just might be talkin’ about Phosphorus
talkin’ about Phosphorus
To geeks like me, when you say P,
I think of group number three, a non metal I.D.
but most folks agree,
It’s more likely, when they mention pee,
they’re just referring to the bathroom.

16. Sulfur S
What is that smell? What the hell is that smell?
Did something expire in here? Did someone burn a tire in here?
No it’s just sulfer.

17. Chlorine Cl
My eyes are so red. My eyes are so red.

18. Argon Ar

They say all of our hopes argon, well they’re wrong
They say all of our morals argon, well they’re wrong
They say all of our dreams argon, they say all of our hopes argon
Are gone… well they’re wrong, yes they’re wrong.

19. Potassium K
Potassium, your symbol is K
Potassium, I don’t know why it’s that way
But no matter what you do, and no matter where ya go
you’re in every banana and avocado
Potassium, your symbol is K

20. Calcium Ca
Calcium, what were ya thinking?
Calcium, stops grandma from shrinking,
down to four foot one.

21. Scandium Sc
Scandium, scandium, you’re the first element
where I don’t really know what you are.
But you’re scandium.

22. Titanium Ti
Titanium, titanium
they’ll use you for a case, they’ll use you in a car
they’ll use you for a countertop in a trendy New York bar, titanium.
You’ll never steer us wrong, you’re really light and strong, titanium.

23. Vanadium V
Is it va-NAH-dium, or is it va-NEY-dium?
Is it Ca-NAH-dian, or is it Ca-NEY-dian?
I’m pretty sure, they way it’s said is Ca-NEY-dian.
But that doesn’t really help me.

24. Chromium Cr
See our kids hand in hand, see our smiles start to expand
see our dreams get hard to ignore, CR chromium, atomic weight 24.

25. Manganese Mn
If you hear somebody sneeze, don’t say god-bless just say manganese.

26. Iron Fe
Iron, some call you FE, but not me
Your Iron, it’s what you’ll always be. YEAH.

27. Cobalt Co
Baby, you know it ain’t my fault
Baby, you know it ain’t my fault
You can put the blame where you want, but I blame cobalt
Atomic weight 27, period four group nine
with a symbol just like Colorado that’s in standard mountain time
Baby, you know it ain’t my fault
You can dip the blame rods where you want, but I blame cobalt.

28. Nickel Ni
If I had a nickel, for each element there are
I’d have fifty nine bucks of spare change in the ashtray of my car
Oh nickel, the element for nights who say Ni.

29. Copper Cu
You’ll never take me alive, Copper.

30. Zinc Zn
What the hell does Fluorine know, I don’t care what she may think
I guarantee it’s cool to have the name zinc.

31. Gallium Ga
Gallium, Gallium, Gallium G.A.L.L.I.U.M.

32. Germanium Ge
Germanium, there’s baggage with that name.
Said humbly with a bit of shame
It could have been worse, you know I’m right
I could have been called: Adolphite. [egh]
Germanium, not bad for Oh and two.

33. Arsenic As
Hey arsenic, you got a nice As.

34. Selenium Se

Selenium, I can see your passion, I can see that fashion, is important to you
Selenium, don’t know what I can do

35. Bromine Br
Bromine- Brrrrr. Bromine- Brrrrr.
Bromine- Brrrrr. Bromine- Brrrrr.

36. Krypton Kr
If only there were a popular reference to Krypton
Then I could think of some clever words to say
But I can’t.
…Oh right, Superman.

37. Rubidium Rb
The original R&B, your g per mole is three,
tell me how can ya be so damn sexy?
Ruby, Ruby, Rubidium. Ruby, Ruby, Rubidium.

38. Strontium Sr
Strontium, your name I’ll always say
Strontium, your love grows every day until it poisons me and I die.

39. Yttrium Y
Y? Why is there yttrium? Y? Why is someone always in the kitchen?
Y? Why are politicians always bitchin'? Y? Why, why is there yttrium?
Y? Why, why is there yttrium? Y? Why?

40. Zirconium Zr
I’m glad there’s the element zirconium,
no one gets killed trying to make that ring
I bet you can’t even tell the difference
In many ways it’s better than the real thing, the real thing
That’s zirconium, like three hours salary
It’s zirconium, oh yeah.

41. Niobium Nb
Niobium, there’s something ‘bout that name,
that makes me want to sing again and again and again and again.

42. Molybdenum Mo
Molybdenum, you got an M and a B and a D
Molybdenum, I guess that’s what confused me
Molybdenum, my dad’s ears: I did offend ‘em
when I called you Molly Dendum
I got flaws I can’t defend ‘em
I’ll make mistakes I hope I’ll end them.
Molybdenum, you got an M and a B and a D
Molybdenum, I guess that’s what confused me
'cause I’m a douche bag.

43. Technetium Tc
Technetium. Technetium. Technetium. Technetium.

44. Ruthenium Ru
Ruthenium, you know you’re in my heart, and if we ever part
I hope you’ll always remain, rutheni- yummmy so yummy
rutheni-yum. Yum.

45. Rhodium Rh
I road ‘em up, I road ‘em down, I road the road from town to town
but there were times, when I had doubt,
so now I lift my head and proudly shout.
I am Rhodium, git up and go-dium, blow by blow-dium
low fat low sodium, funny car burnin’ nitro-dium,
Captain Crunch, Cheerio-dium, children at play slow-dium
Skeletor He-Man G.I.Joe-dium
I am Rhodium.

46. Palladium Pd
Maybe someday, I’ll play the palladium
and on that day, you’ll see me there
until that day, you will have to be satisfied,
with the look in my eyes as I hold your hand
Palladium, palladium. Palladium, palladium.

47. Silver Ag
Silver has never been quite as cool as gold
Silver has always been seen just as number two
silver is sick of this and it thinks A.U. go screw
number two will do just fine.
At least I’m not bronze.

48. Cadmium Cd
Give me some cadmium. Give me some cadmium.

49. Indium In
In-dee-um. In-dee-um. In-dee-um.

50. Tin Sn
Tell me what can you sell to me today,
tell what wares have you got my good man
“Trinkets Galore” is what your sign proclaims,
tell me what is your master plan?

My good friend oh where should I start?
every thing that I have is a real work of art
pinwheels, little cars, piggy banks, and a liberty bell
these are some of the tchatchke I’m eager to sell…

I am so glad I found you sitting here
all of the stuff that you have is so dear
I might get something my wife would just love
tell me my good friend what are these things made of?

That’s a great question that you have asked
the thing that I use is simple and fast
so easy to shape why it should be a sin
everything that I’ve got here is made: of TIN.

Tin? Yes. It’s made of tin. Really- everything? Yes it’s made of tin.
Every single thing? Yes. Wow. It’s made of tin. Hmm. Mmm. It’s made of tin.

51. Antimony Sb
What’s the deal with Antimony? The only element that sounds kinda phony
Well you can’t stop now, antimony, antimony
S. B. S. B. S…
You’re fifty one, group fifteen, period five, you’re a metalloid
group fifteen, fifty one period five, you’re a metalloid
S. B. S. B. S. B…

52. Tellurium Te
Tell everyone that you see…
Tell yourself, tell him, tell me
Tell it on the mountain, tell it on the street
Tellurium is Te. Tellurium is Te.
…is Te.

53. Iodine I
IOU, IRS, eye to eye, ISS
ITV, I me mine, ICBM, Iodine

54. Xenon Xe
As seen on the TV, I’m xenon Xe.
Ok x.e.n.o.n., what’ she done again?
Living hard drivin’ fast, tryin' to do what it takes to be a noble gas
I’m just as cool as can be, with a mass of 131.293
As seen on the TV, I’m xenon Xe. That’s about it.

55. Cesium Cs
Cesium, Cesium, Cesium. Ooooh, Ahhh, Cesium.

56. Barium Ba
Oh baby, discovered in 1808 by Sir Humphrey Davies, you got medical applications, you’re from the Greek word barrus, and that means heavy baby.
Yeah… number 56, barium, you know what I’m talking about baby…
I’m barium, check out my aquarium,
my terrarium, my solarium, my whole house
is open to you and my heart is just filled up with love
(it’s filled up with love) it’s filled up with love, love, love.
ohhh your melting point is 725 degrees Celsius, that’s 1,337 degrees Fahrenheit and that hot baby, that’s so hot.

57. Lanthanum La
Lanthanum: Periodic Private eye
Lanthanum: evil doers say bye-bye
Lanthanum: oh he’ll make the charges stick
Lanthanum: elemental private dick
Lanthanum: In COLOR.

58. Cerium Ce
Etherium is not the same as ethereal
and Cerium is not the same as cereal
Trust me.

59. Praseodymium Pr
Press me. (press me) and Praseodymium. Heh!

60. Neodymium Nd
There’s a new dymium and they call it neodymium
There’s a new dymium and they call it neodymium
Well the sign’s Nd and it’s gonna be so much fun
Well the sign’s Nd and it’s gonna be so much fun

61. Promethium Pm
Pro-methium, me forget, me impressed
Pro-methium, me displeased, me distressed.

62. Samarium Sm
Samarium is not what you believe it to be
a lanthanide that’s waiting in a dark and dangerous room
don’t trust samarium, don’t trust samarium
no good samarium, don’t trust samarium
don’t trust

63. Europium Eu
Is that europium?
No I’m holding it for a friend.

64. Gadolinium Gd
Gadolinium was known from town to town
people would say hi, when ‘ere he was around
drinks and laughs and fun were always to be had
no one realized, that inside he was sad
he wanted to be better known like gold he wanted to be better known like lead
he wanted to be famous like potassium he couldn’t get it out his head
the elements with fame always seemed happy and full of pride
what Gadolinium didn’t realize is they were empty inside
Gadolinium, be what you are, be what you are
Gadolinium, be what you are, be what you are, yeah…

65. Terbium Tb
You never know what you’ll get with terbium
and that’s a real safe bet, with terbium.

66. Dysprosium Dy
There’s something wrong
There’s something wrong with this
there’s something wrong with Dysprosium
there’s something wrong with Dysprosium
and I’m not sure just what it is.

67. Holmium Ho
Hold me close hold me near hold me in your arms my dear
say the words I love to hear yeah Holmium, Holmium
Hold my hand, hold my heart, hold me till we have to part
say I’m yours right from the start yeah Holmium, Holmium.

68. Erbium Er
Cha! Erbum. Cha! Erbium.

69. Thulium Tm
I’m through with thulium, I ain’t the fool-ium
sad but true-lium, you broke the first rule-ium,
and that was un cool-ium, my life started to unspool-ium,
I dropped out of school-ium, I treated people cruel-ium
all because of Thulium, you ain’t no jewel-ium
so now I’m through-lium, with that darn thulium,
I think I’ll stay with carbon.

70. Ytterbium Yb
Y.T.T.E.R.B.I.U.M. that spells ytterbium
why they need two Ts in place of one I’m not sure why
Y.T.T.E.R.B.I.U.M. could cause disturbium
if you ingest it I’m sure that you’ll probably die.
… I mean I’m guessing.

71. Lutetium Lu
I will play for you, Lutetium
for who knows what the future may bring
I will play for you, Lutetium
for who knows what the future
for who knows what the future
for who knows what the future may bring

72. Hafnium Hf
Don’t go over a hill for hole-nium
Don’t bite off a thread for third-nium
Don’t take an oath for athium
and don’t get in a huff for hafnium
there’s quite enough, it’s not that tough
don’t get in a huff for Hafnium

73. Tantalum Ta
Tantalum, no hay nadie como tu
tus ohos azules brillan como aguas eternas
deja me ver tu cara por un momento y morire
un hombre feliz
Tantalum, no hay nadie como tu

74. Tungsten W
lablablablablablablab Tungsten.

75. Rhenium Re
A memo re: Rhenium:
I’m sorry it’s just not working out, I’m afraid we’ll just have to let you go.
It’s nothing personal you know, it’s just you’re a transition metal and well…
You have till 4 pm to clear out your desk, good luck.
Signed, Mr.Wilson.

76. Osmium Os
Os- osmium, Os- osmium, mystical element
Os- osmium, Os- osmium, mysterious and relevant
Os- osmium, Os- osmium, Os- osmium, Os- osmium, Os.

77. Iridium Ir
Just like you can’t patrol petroleum
and you can never can a canopy
you can't get rid of iridium
no matter what you do to me
you can’t rid of iridium, you can’t rid of iridium,

78. Platinum Pt
Why would you want solid platinum teeth.
I know it’s ill but still, I don’t get the grill.
I don’t get the grill.
Yeah boy. Oh boy.

79. Gold Au
You’re working hard, you fight the fight
You got the key, to turn wrong to right
with every step, and every move
you're gonna win, you’ll never lose
you go for gold, go for that gold
you go for gold, go for that gold
go for the, go for the gold.

80. Mercury Hg
Mercury, indicator of temperature
Mercury, rolls in balls across the floor across the floor.

81. Thallium Tl
I thought thallium was thoroughly thematic
but thallium throughout thought things through
the thing that thinks the theme is that of thallium
the threshold that’s thought out is one that’s true
One that’s true. One that’s true.

82. Lead Pb
Some kids eat paint chips when they’re young
this can cause future songs to be sung
about elements and fish, and other stuff off the top of his head
most probably ‘cause those paint chips contained lead.

83. Bismuth Bi
M.Y.O.D.B. Mind your own damn bismuth.

84. Polonium Po
Named after Poland, in 1898, by Pierre and Marie Currie
it’s Polonium.

85. Astatine At
What do you use to ‘tine? I use my Astatine.
What do you use to ‘tine? I use my Astatine.

86. Radon Rn
Radon, used to treat cancer,
Radon, yet causes cancer, go figure.

87. Francium Fr
Marguerite Derey discovered Francium in 1939. Hoh hoh.

88. Radium Ra
Radium, used to treat cancer,
Radium, yet causes cancer, déjà vu..

89. Actinium Ac
Actinium from the Greek word “actinos”
and that means “ray”, so says Andre Debierne, who discovered it.

90. Thorium Th
Thorium, Thorium, obtained from monozite
and from thorite, you’re use with strong alloys and in ultraviolet light
Thorium, Thorium, Thorium, Thorium.

91. Protactinium Pa
Protactinium made from a fission of thorium, plutonium, uranium
don’t wanna bore ya but there’s no use for ya
so we’ll just go back to the beginium.
It’s protactinium… It’s protactinium…
P.R.O.T.A.C.T.I.N.I.U.M. 91!

92. Uranium U
Geo could easily do a Uranus joke
but then the listeners might complain to him
He is above that kind of cheap ass poke
besides what’s that got to do with uranium
Uranium, Martin Klaproth we love you, (and Uranus too.)

93. Neptunium Np
In the ocean, such a commotion such a sound
you should see it, when neptunium is around
radiation poison, killing everything nearby
watch the fishes, slowly all wither and die
see each crustacean die from radiation
watch all the eels kick up their heels
see all the shrimp turn black and limp
hear the whale cry as it start to die
what have they got a weird disease?
No! Neptunium can kill as it please
each little smelt plays the cards it’s dealt
every cod gets to see god
every bass picked gets it’s ass kicked
all the sea horses turn to sea corpses
fluke, flounder, trout, swim in vain
Neptunium’s the one to blame.

94. Plutonium Pu
Doc Brown had to steal it from the Libyans
Oppenheimer the designer used it for the war’s end
and the kid in the Manhattan Project lied to his mom
so he could steal John Lithgo’s ID and use it to make his bomb
it was supposed to be the thing that would make life so nice
nuclear cars, guitars, and bars, and yummy second rice
but the future lost its shine like poorly plated chromium
who’d of guessed this mess we’re blessed with from Plutonium
Plutonium, Plutonium.

95. Americium Am
There’s an element whose colors never run
there’s an element who’s proud to be number one
and this element can say it clear as glass
cause it’s relevant, that it knows, it just kicks ass
Americium just kicks ass, you can say it slow or you can say it fast
just ignore the shit from our past, Americium just kick ass
and don’t you forget it.

96. Curium Cm
I find it bizarre, that curium cures nothing
in fact mes amis it can be quite rough
don’t have to search far, to read of her suffering
and how poor Marie, died from this stuff.

97. Berkelium Bk
Berkelium is the 97, Berkelium is the one to be
Berkelium’s got the magic mojo, tell your friends tell everyone ya see
Discovered by G.T. Seaborg in ’49, he was in Berkeley California at the time
it’s melting and boiling points are unknown,
150 neutrons are its own, and its 97 electrons all do shine
Berkelium’s got the magic mojo, tell your friends tell everyone ya see.

98. Californium Cf
I dream of Californium
and one thing I can say
is I prefer New Yorkium

99. Einsteinium Es
Einsteinium, Einsteinium, where have you gone? Argonne, Los Alamos.
Einsteinium, Einsteinium, where have you gone? Argonne, Los Alamos.
In 1952, they discovered you.
Einsteinium, Einsteinium, where have you gone? Argonne, Los Alamos.

100. Fermium Fm
It was late 53, or early 54 when they bombarded 238U.
What they ended up producing was an alpha emitter
and the boys knew what they had to do
all the intense temperature and crazy pressure
made them do it again and again
so by summoning the ghost of some dead Italian
they called the concoction FM. FM. FM.

101. Mendelevium Md
Is there a doctor in the house?
No, but I know an Md.
What is the Russian word for mouse?
I don’t know but I’ll ask Dimitri.
Did Glen T. Seaborg have a spouse?
I don’t know but he taught at Berkeley
and I know that Mendelevium used to have the symbol Mv.

102. Nobelium No
No no no. No no no. No no no.

103. Lawrencium Lr
They called him Larry and his half life was less than four hours
which meant that Larry could only exist for a day
that was OK, for Larry some called him Lawrence
I called him Larry, ‘cause that was the kind of guy he was
I called him Larry

104. Rutherfordium Rf
There aren’t many things I know for sure
My brain is way too small to remember anything
but if there’s one thing that I know it’s that I love you
and that the most conclusive aqueous chemistry studies
of Rutherfordium have been performed by the
Japanese team at JAERI using the radio isotope 261 mRf
This I know for sure.

105. Dubnium Db
Dub, Dub, Dubnium. Dub, Dub, Dubnium.
The longest lived transactinide- Dub, Dub, Dubnium.
It confidently can reside- Dub, Dub, Dubnium.
In the place that we all call group five- Dub, Dub, Dubnium.
on the periodic table. Dub, Dub, Dubnium.

106. Seaborgium Sg
Seaborgium was used in unsuccessful tries
by those alleged bunch of cold fusion guys
so dreams of cheap power became renewed
but these guys forgot to get peer reviewed
Seaborgium was not at fault
turns out it’s just as effective for cold fusion as table salt

107. Bohrium Bh
Did you know Niels Bohr was fun at parties
and not at all a boring guy
He would often shout “ahoy me hearties”
while wearing a patch on his eye
some say he tried ‘cause his name implied
that he was such a bore (bohr?)
I would like to think his natural inclination
despite his nomenclation was just to have a good time.

108. Hassium Hs
What’s over there some drowning polar bears
Do you see ‘em? Yes Hassium.
What’s over here a group of mutant deer
Do you see ‘em? Yes Hassium. Yes I see ‘em.
I see everything around me, I see sights that do astound me
I get charged so don’t you ground me, ‘cause Hassium
Don’t be alarmed but you astound me and Hassium
I’m keeping everything I found because Hassium.

109. Meitnerium Mt
You know what it’s like to be Mt
when some heavy ions just won’t do
Meitnerium is sometimes empty
First synthesized in 1982
Its such a young element it’s such a good element
and it knows it’s share of tricks
like if you bombard bismuth with iron 58
you get Meitnerium 266
and that ain’t empty, and yet it’s Mt

110. Darmstadtium Ds
I can’t come up with anything for this dumb element
there’s no puns no jokes no lines left in my pen
I’ve got one left so I’ll just give you all the basics
It’s Darmstadium and it’s number 110
I can’t come up (he can’t come up) with anything (with anything)
I might give up, aw you guys just sing…
He can’t come up with anything for this dumb element
no clever lyrics are left in his brain
after composing over one hundred of these dumb songs
the melodies all start to sound the same
I can’t come up (he can’t come up) with anything that’s fun
Don’t give up, I won’t give up, You’re almost done! Aw shit…
I just came up with something for this stupid element
It’s a bit of a cheat but I don’t really care
Just a few left and I’ll be finished with these elements
good thing I’m bald or I’d have lost my hair
Darmstadium, you don’t have to guess
It’s number 110, and it’s sign is Ds.

111. Roentgenium Rg

Willem Conrad Roentgen invented the X-Ray
Well not really invented, but discovered it’s applications
for seeing through skin and looking at bones
while shielding your balls with lead
so they named 111 after him, because he is dead.

112. Ununbium Uub
113. Ununtrium Uut
114. Ununquadium Uuq
115. Ununpentium Uup
116. Ununhexium Uuh
117. Ununseptium Uus
118. Ununoctium Uuo

Five poor metals and a noble gas, Five poor metals and a noble gas
Ununbium you make me hum, gonna get it done it’s fun it’s begun
Ununtrium, ya free ‘em, you can’t be ‘em, but you can see ‘em,
parked in the stadium, like Ununquadium,
did ya get the Ununpentium ‘cause I sent ya some,
you look vexed and perplexed like Ununhexium,
I texed ya bum, I checks the sun, it’s settin’ are you forgettin’,
Ununseptium is undiscovered, unacceptable is how you hover,
‘round the elements, here you are Ununoctium, how I rocked ya son,
how I blocked the bum and glocked ‘em in the ass,
with five poor metals and a noble gas.
Five poor metals and a noble gas, Five poor metals and a noble gas

1 comment:

Dan said...

Awesomium! State flags are next, right? Or country fair pie eating contest recordholders database entries?