Morimoto with A and Ms. Information
- The Book Of John…Yes John.
Funeral on WEN
ERRATA: Ernie Chambers is not a moron
Prof. Damian Handzy’s Facts That’ll Fuck Y’Up
GPS and Relativity
November Travels Include Georgia and Texas
Listen to Reginald go off on the Airline Industry (among other things) HERE
feel free to follow along...
Oh so I see. It’s the end of the show. That’s clever. Very clever. I mean maybe it’s supposed to symbolize George’s being tired and wanting to somehow keep the show interesting and fresh by coming up with new bits to keep the audience guessing. I dunno. Maybe it’s after dealing with so much traveling and walking through airports, well, first getting TO airports with the early morning 4:30 am pre flight check in walking past stacks of both pre pubescently excited Japanese soccer players in their matching neon kits with their matching duffel bags and matching random expressions glibly printed on their side with such amazing engrish sayings like “number one bag” and “most fun 100% super time” and their towisily and over precisely purposely imprecisely tousled matching hair cuts while standing right next to air traveling zombies who are anxiously cashing in their frequent whiner miles before the entire airline industry collapses into one enormous post 9-11 heap where the passengers can reminisce about how it used to be on these flights before every single seat was filled to capacity with countless mouth breathing sweat pant clad text messengers eagerly waiting for the captain to notify after landing that “all right folks you can use your electronic devices now” because its so bloody important that Tiffany’s BFF know that she’s landed and that she’s on the runway and that she’s still on the runway and that OMFG we’re still on the runway and what are you doing later and could you believe what Scott said and now since the plane has stopped I’m going to stand up with the rest of the air cattle and hunch over in front of my micro sized chair and wait like some scoliosis patient for the plane’s door to open and then wait some more while all of the other passengers stand together in front of their collective pseudo reclining seats like a chorus of quasimodos waiting to yank out their matching samsonite wheeled buckets of doom which they oh so conveniently refuse to load in wheels first so as to actually maximize the packing capacity of said flying cattle train while still waiting hunched over collectively staring at the few still-seated passengers as if they were either child molesters or too stupid to realize that umm duh the plane has landed why don’t you stand up and hunch over like everyone else and then retrieve said baggage containing their precious carry on items like more sweat pants for the hotel later, hopefully emblazoned with such clever phrases like “virgin slut” and “moist” printed across the ever expanding cheeks area as well as a few extra copies of whatever 835 page vampire based romantic drivel which just coincidentally is about to be made into this weeks 120 million dollar shitty CGI laden piece of Hollywood marketing research which as a complete surprise to insiders and experts will for some reason under perform to the studio’s expectations making most humans on planet earth wonder why said studios won’t just take the millions and millions of dollars and throw them into a bank for two years and make back eight percent which is twice what most studio’s average profit margin is until you think oh right the entire banking industry is about to collapse so maybe it IS a safer bet to throw 204 million dollars into a sci fi rom com dramedy based on the paintings of Thomas Kincaid starring the girl from the latest fake VH Yuch reality show Fuck My Mother and the lead homosexual from the Disney corporations brothers based teen ensemble currently occupying the number one position on both Billboard's Disposable 100 and The New Rochelle Times 35 faces to drool over in 2009 not that any of this is or isn’t on the mind of our intrepid weary traveler about to disembark and roll through the airport and purchase their 865 calorie Cinnebon and their 454 calorie Jamba liquid and then sit in the pre selected faux Eamesian armless chair assemblage and comment about how it’s so difficult to stay trim and what do YOU want for lunch and look at that couple over there holding hands that are actually conversing and actually interested in each other so I think I’ll stare while sipping and eating ‘cause heaven forbid 16 minutes go by with out an amurican traveler either eating something or hydrating themselves with today’s latest and trendiest and most colorful and market researched with accompanying hiply packaged version of ion infused trend juice while complaining that fuel costs four dollars a gallon while paying $3.75 for 16 ounces of sugared fruit waste that tastes pretty good but not as good as it was before they changed the packaging but I still buy it anyway because I try to eat healthy so that’s why I use the mechanized walkway to get to the next gate AND stand in the center of this porcine conveyance so that the poor shlub who’s first flight from Raleigh Durham was delayed because of some de-regulatory hocus pocus can’t pass me by with any semblance of ease or quickness thereby trying to use this Jetson-like device in some corroborative manner as a rapid people mover as opposed to a calorie retention belt which seems to be the most optimum use of 400 yards of plasticene, rubber, and glass not to mention those carts full of people that politely honk every 8 and a half feet while gingerly requesting that the folks using the WALK way stop WALKING on the WALK way so that this Rose Bowl Float for gastric bypass can drive by and get these texting, munching, sweat suited passengers to their appropriate gate so that they can then be the first ones to sit THERE and wait for the pilots and flight crew to finally walk past and board this delay cylinder themselves and emptily greet everyone with that pointlessly vacuous 700 mile stare accompanied by the incredibly self mocking and completely un-ironic “welcome aboard” which could just as easily be delivered like a mantra of “zis is meant to be a cleansing shower” where the helpless hopeless march one by one like so many child actors into the simulated meat grinding device at the forefront of Pink Floyd’s The Wall relegated to their aisle or their window or their center or their emergency and “are you willing to perform duties if an emergency were to arrise?” whereas the only duties these folks would be performing would be in their respective shorts which are again, of course made of the very finest sweat suit material which can wick away moisture as if these bastards would ever dream of actually performing activities that would induce perspiration of any kind apart from sweating out the pre flight informational video with a botoxed version of the very same stewardess instructing the monkeys in coach how to fasten and unfasten the strap of doom which has caressed countless crotches and countless laps over countless miles over countless flights leading to and from this particular carriers hub and we do so hope you enjoy your flight and feel free to peruse the various magazine lovingly stuffed into the marsupelian seat pouch in front of you and we do hope you can finish both the jumble and the crossword seeing as the last mouth breathing occupier of your particular seat has every right to not only vote but bear children yet had difficulty filling in a 3 letter word for BLANK de Triomphe. Because you know what?